Monday, October 10

Good Deed, Good Karma (?)

It's extremely tiring day for both heart and physic. Many things ruined my day. Many things dropped my mood. And still not sure to mention good things of today. Mostly were not really good. I came to campus late to attend ESP class. Then listening class was pretty nice. And the last one is EP, just like last week, the lecturer didn't come. Whatever.

Today I went to PMI for blood donor, ah ya that's the good one of today.

Today I was kinda fed up with the way the cadets treat me. When I entered the class, there were only three cadets. Can you imagine? Three!! It was about 2.10pm. The fact that they should be in the class in time. I didn't think that's a big deal firstly. It was a big deal when it is into something called Respect. That's what they do not have to me. Maybe because we are in the same age? It's even I'm younger than some of them.

That's why I don't really like to consider about ages in many field, because it's just an excuse not to respect the one who younger than you. I'm the teacher in the class, I should rule the class. I tried my best to be flexible and belong to them. But it just helps with certain people. And the rest?? Maybe they do not need my help Tuzki Bunny Emoticon

Things I really dislike from some of them are they do not respect me as a teacher. Well, I'm not a real teacher maybe. When I explain materials, some of them are busy with their assignment, they sleep Tuzki Bunny Emoticon, and even they are online. Ya, facebook and internet thingies. I always remain them many times like a very patient teacher remain her elementary-school-students. Okay they listened to me, but the next minute... krik krik. They're back to their own business again. I try to ignore them. But remembering the responsibility, I can't. I really wanna explode in the class and force them to join the class properly, but I know I shouldn't do that because I believe that the result of something is forced is not good.

Since last week, I made a small group which consist of those who really wanna learn and I won't disturb those who come to class just for free internet connection. I also would do it in today's meeting, but they complained me. Okay, I listened to them (who do not wanna learn). But when I would start the normal class, they're back to their own business again. So, what should I do? I decided not to take care of them anymore. I mean, for what I care with people who do not even care with me?

When I have convinced myself about this thing, I'm just afraid I turn to be too subjective. I don't wanna be like this. Being subjective is one of the things I do avoid when I have myself stand in front of the class as s teacher. Because when I've been subjective, I can say good thing as a bad thing just because I don't like the person. Because I'm angry with them (who don't wanna learn), I neglect those who really wanna learn the lesson.

And the meeting just now, I just made a sharing session with my small group. I shared my difficulties, how I've been fed up with their friends, we shared what we want. Firstly I only share with Ariza and Eva. They're very good students. Then minutes later Ayu and Febri joined us. Then Anas, then Rio, Tia. And Wisnu was like wall who had ears just now, he sat behind Eva. I still appreciate them who can not speak English well, but they have will to learn and be better. Seriously I do. It's better than those who are passive in class but have pretty good ability. And I can't deal with those who really don't care with my existence and make class very noisy.

I still remember that Abang Ginger had ever told me that "Good Deed Good Karma". Does karma really exist?

In the class, when I'm being a student I try my best to respect them, even if the way they teach is so out date and not interesting enough. Because I believe in the proverb. Because I know how bad it feels when you stand front of class and no one cares with you. Because I really wish that someday everyone in my class has awareness to respect each other. Because I really wish everyone in my class can respect like I do with them. Because I really wish that my wishes aren't just wishes.

It's more tiring day becasue children in my house were like ehm... do not have to say about them la. It makes me dizzy.

Oh ya, after sharing session with my small group, I feel bad because I shouldn't do it actually. I shouldn't make them think that they are that bad. I shouldn't make them feel sorry for mistakes they didn't do. I think I have not been professional enough to handle them. I'm confused Tuzki Bunny Emoticon

At last I say, A Velly Intewesting Blog.

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