Wednesday, July 17


"LIFE is about to deal with the bitch, jerk, bureaucrat, and drama person"
I do drama, on the stage, well, not exactly on the stage. I direct people. Once the drama is done, then done. I don't direct anybody else, but myself.

People say that life is a stage; to act, to hide, to disguise, to be honest, to be pretentious. Indeed. The statement does influence everyone. You may buy thousand masks to cover your face. But there is always seconds to look in your real face when you change your precious mask with another new mask you just bought.

This may be another random post, as I always do. I write when I don't feel good. Problems popped up lately. I won't tell you what, I just want to tell what I learn from these ones come up.

Somehow I believe in it. For me personally, I never wish people to see me with my problems, some may care, some others won't care, and many of them may be glad.

Talking about bitch, jerk, bureaucrat, and drama person. That's life for me. Actually there are sides of life which are much more interesting to talk about. But now, let me tell you the things catch my attention lately.

I should be the black sheep in my home. I believe that every family has a black sheep, although sometime they keep denying that they treat the children in the same way. In my family, it's not that they treat me inappropriately. It's more that I have different point of view about anything since I am influenced by so many things. This is what they are not able to figure out.

To be honest, I'm very much affected by culture of my target language. Not only literature, but culture. I might learn about how to say thank you since I was kid. Here, parents teach their kids to say thank you mostly when the kids are given something by someone. But then I learn that thank you is not only about it. I learn four magic words (thank you, excuse me, please, sorry) not from my parents. Maybe yes, but just like some kind of surface structures I learn in Psycholinguistics, they teach the words in surface structure, but they mean nothing, just happen to say it. In the name of politeness, but, meaningless. I now try to practice deep structure of life. Why should I say thank you? When should I say thank you? The most important one, do I sincerely say it? Do I mean it? Do I?

When I say something, but deep inside my heart I don't mean it, I feel like I'm a bitch who hides behind her words. In this country, politeness are over anything, even honesty. You should be polite, so people will love you. Smile here and there, show that you are friendly. Is it needed?

People will love you, even when you're not smiling here and there, but be yourself. It's better to be hated for how you are than loved for the mask you wear.

I deal with bitch and jerk. I deal with bureaucrat. I do. I deal with those who love to see people worship on the ground for them. Sometime I act, I wear my mask. I don't own many, just some for certain occasion, the special ones. Since I can't help to wear mask in a while, I don't spend much of my time with them. Being with them are tiring, I give up. I typically live free, on the edge sometime. Living behind the mask is tiring, sweaty, and not so challenging. I think that's why I'm not willing to be what they want to see me be. Not to be happy. They may say they want to see me happy. Do they? I question a lot just to get the answer of that simple question. They want to see me be someone else, and I'm very much not into it. In particular occasion, I think my parents are typically bureaucrat. I mean it.

You might think that I'm not a good daughter. Then I would think that you don't understand me, never will. I'm just not into stage and act, whether good or bad. I'm antagonist in my real life. If there is protagonist, then I'll defeat the protagonist, I torture him.

But sometime there are people who are hard to torture. Although I'm antagonist, these kind of people are gods and goddesses of antagonist. I'm junior one. The gods and goddesses tortures juniors til finally the juniors merge with the protagonists to defeat the gods and goddesses of antagonists world.

Really drama. Perhaps they forget that they are not on the stage anymore. Perhaps the character just vivified too much til they forget who they are. Forget it.

I just, find people who love to see others tortured and I hate these people. I'm sure they forget that they are just ordinary ones. Yes, human. We're the same. But yes, you were born first, have more experiences, and major digits. It doesn't make you can treat people as you wish, as you please.

Now Playing: Lee Hi - Turn It Up
Current Mood: Stressed

At last I say, A Velly Intewesting Blog.

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